Today we are featuring Inklings Book Contest 2016 finalist, Aubrey Turner! Aubrey finished 8th grade this past school year. She wrote a dramatic and touching story about a young soccer player named Karina. We loved Aubrey’s use of sensory details and the feeling of immediacy she created in her story by using the present tense. As part of her revisions, Aubrey chose to change her story from third-person point of view to first-person point of view in order to create an even stronger sense of immediacy for her readers. Enjoy!
Not Won, But Two
by Aubrey Turner
Beep-beep-beep-beep-be…
7am. It’s the beginning of my day. I sit upright on my bed and start nibbling away at my nails. This isn’t a typical, ordinary day. Today is what I have been dreaming about for the past 8 years.
I give myself a pep talk. “I’ll be okay. I’ll do fine. I will absolutely, positively do just fine.”
With googly-cartoon eyes I look down at my uniform. My name is printed in big, black letters on the back of my team’s shirt. Seeing my name reminds me of something I said to my father during the early days of my soccer training.
“Daddy! Daddy! Did you see that goal she scored from midfield?!?! When I get older I wanna be that good. And I’ll have my name printed on the back of my shirt just like hers.”
As I join my teammates and walk downstairs in pink, fuzzy, bunny slippers and a messy bun on top of my head, I smell melted cheese, flaky, golden, buttery croissants, and French toast that I can picture covered with juicy, bright red strawberries. I can’t wait to pile my plate with cheese that I will eat with the olives I’ve stashed in a jar in the pocket of my sweatshirt. Man, I love olives with cheese and can’t live without them!
Mmm, it smells so good it gives me a warm feeling, the kind I might feel if I were playing soccer, getting a back massage, and knitting all at the same time, I think to myself. I grab another plate and fill it with two pieces of toast, eggs and pepper, and about 20 Nutella snack-packs.
When I get back to my room from the breakfast buffet I take a steaming shower, floss my teeth (because the dentist has shown me pictures of what can happen if I don’t floss), and then throw my hair into a pony tail. I grab my cleats and another memory comes to mind.
“Open it, sweetheart!” the two of them sing.
“Brand new Nike cleats!” I say and tears brim my eyes. “Mom, Dad, you didn’t need to do this for me!”
“Honey, your mother and I know how much you love soccer and we want you to have a decent pair of cleats. Go on, try them on,” my father says.
I slip the cleats on and take practice kicks. “These feel great! Thank you, guys.”
The memory fades away and I grab my bag, reach into it, and pull out the right shoe of my first pair of cleats. The inside of my shoe is worn away at the heel and the top of the shoe where the Nike swoosh used to be has a hole poked through from so much playing.
“Karina, ready to go!” Hope, our goalkeeper yells from the adjoining room.
“Yep, be there in a second,” I holler back.
Vroom-vroom-pop! The bus pulls away from our hotel.
“Guys, I see the field!” Alex, one of the attackers screams.
“Alright, guys. This is a very important game today. It will determine if we go to the quarter finals. So we are gonna go out there, do our best, and never quit until the whistle blows at the end of the game,” my coach says with a mountain of enthusiasm.
“Alright, here’s your stop. Good luck in the game. I hope you guys do great!” the bus driver says.
Click-snap-click-click-snap. I’m biting at my nails again.
“Um, excuse me Mr. Driver, did you happen to drop off a man who is about 6’2” tall? He has a navy blue suitcase with the words Forfia in sliver at the top. The bag rolls on four wheels instead of two?” I ask hesitantly.
“No, sorry I haven’t seen him,” the bus driver answers in a strict voice. He seems upset about being stopped in the road.
“Where’s my dad? He said he’d be here?” I whisper to myself.
“Everyone, huddle in!” my coach, Laura, yells from the bench. “Alex, you’re going up top center forward, Christen left wing, and Clara right wing. In the middle we’ll have Aubrey and Grace as attacking mids, and Karina you’ll be holding mid. Center backs will be Ava and Sofia, outside wings Peri and Laila. Hope, you’re obvisouly in goal and the rest of you on the bench.”
“Okay guys, this has to be our loudest cheer possible. We need to be so loud that the other team crashes to the ground crying!” I holler loud enough to get the team pumped but not so loud that the other team hears me.
I… I!
I believe… I believe!
I believe that we… I believe that we!
I believe that we can win … I believe that we can win!
1,2,3 US!
Fweeeep! The game begins. Alex passes it to Grace who then passes me the ball.
Kerplunk! The defender falls to the ground and I dribble down the field. After I commit the defender I play the ball to Clara who dribbles to the corner of the 18-yard box and crosses the ball.
Bam-ping!
“Ugh! Nice try, Christen! You got the next one,” Clara tells her.
There are two minutes left in the first half and it’s still a tie. I have the ball, Aubrey yells that she’s open but I keep dribbling. As I’m about to shoot the ball a defender comes out of nowhere and crashes into me.
I fall to the ground.
Spap-crack!
I scream in pain.
“Ref, stop the game! Ref!” Laila yells.
The ref can’t hear her.
“Ref! A player is injured!” Ava shouts across the field to the ref.
Once the game is stopped, Laila and Ava dash over to me. “Oh my gosh … Coach, come quick!”
“Karina, what happened?”
Between sobs I try to explain. “I … I drib… sniff-sniff… ling and the gi… girl kicked my an…kle then I lan…ded wrong.”
“Let’s get you off the field. Grab my arm, Karina,” Coach says.
“Can someone get ice?!”
“Here’s an ice pack,” Sabrina says softly and hands it to me.
“Can you sit here and ice your ankle?” Coach asks.
Tweet-tweet. The game’s over.
“Darn, we lost,” I say as my team exits the field into the locker room.
“Okay guys, huddle around. We came this far and blew it. But I’m not mad, just disappointed,” Coach says as she always does when our team loses. “Karina, we need to get you to the hospital now,” Coach says.
“Wait, I need to talk to my dad,” I say faintly.
“Okay, we’ll find your family.”
“Hi, we’re just coming from a World Cup game and a player has been injured. Are you able to get her into a room as soon as possible please?” my mom says nervously.
“Mom, where’s Dad?”
“Honey, not now. We have to get you into a room,” my mother says.
“Karina? Karina? Sorry to wake you but a room is now ready for you. We had many people from a plane crash come in today,” the doctor says and takes me to a room.
As we head to my room I notice something. A navy blue suitcase with the word Forfia in sliver at the top. It has four wheels instead of two wheels.
